V

greater-than-the-sword:

Novel edition. This is a post about fine, paragraph-level edits, so if you are looking for a post about general story-level edits, you will have to look elsewhere.

With that out of the way:

Just over the past several days, I have been going through Copper and removing filler words. Different people have their own weaknesses when it comes to filler words, so if you have any of your own, feel free to add them to this list, but here are the ones I know of. These words will tip people off that you are an amateur, they often make clumsy writing, and are generally overused.

• Immediately
• finally
• suddenly
• completely
• slowly
• really
• very
  
• could hear
• could feel
• could see
• could sense/tell
  
• started to
• began to
• I/he/she saw
  
• turn
• look
  
• nod
• sigh
  
• whirl
  
• almost
• apparently
• seem
• somewhat
• Well

All of these sometimes have perfectly good reasons to stay in the text, but usually can be removed. I prefer to get it down to less than ten examples of any particular filler word. (Use the search function on Word.)

Getting rid of these words can make the writing so much stronger. Read the difference:

The hounds circled round Jordan, who was just turning back to go to the balloon. When he saw them, he shrank against the control board.

to

The hounds circled round Jordan, who was on his way to the balloon. He shrank back against the control board.

It feels like taking a shower.

Copper remained silent, and when he looked at her he saw that she wasn’t looking at him.

to

Copper remained silent, apparently ignoring him.

But *gasp* a filler word is still in there! Well, sometimes you do need them for POV purposes. Here are some other acceptable reasons you might choose to keep a filler word:

Very: ‘That very thing’, or character dialogue where you don’t expect that person to have a large vocabulary.

Turn: Anything (besides a person) turning or being turned over, on, or off, a car turning, that sort of thing.

Well: This is fine in regular text but check for it at the beginning of dialogue.

How to Replace:

Could See: if you can say “x was visible”, “I saw x”, or just plain “there was x”, do so. Otherwise delete.

Could hear: “I heard”, or delete when possible.

Looked at: “faced x”, “addressed”, OR remove. Find another way to focus your reader’s attention on the thing the character is looking at.

Looked: stared, watched, examined, peered, squinted, seemed, OR remove if possible.

Looked like: Appeared, as though, OR remove.

[adjective]-looking: NEVER

Seemed: If it can actually BE that way rather than SEEMING like it is that way, make it so.

Apparently: Clearly, obviously, or remove if possible.

Almost: Nearly, partially, or remove if possible.

Immediately/Suddenly: I know it seems weird, but writing these words actually makes the action LESS immediate and sudden.

Anyway, I hope this helps someone else as much as it helped me. Happy writing…